Bad Taste in (Fictional) Men

Ever since I can remember, I’ve always been fascinated by freaky and evil characters.

I’ve blogged previously about how Elijah Wood was my first crush, and he’s pretty cuddly generally speaking, but bear in mind that I developed that crush only when I saw him with unnaturally pale stabbed-by-the-nazgul-help-me-i’m-dying eyes. I remember that moment, when my adolescent mind was like “oh”.

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^so healthy, so wholesome

It was only downhill from there, my friends.

In most stories the main protagonist is presented as the desirable one, clean-cut and clean of conscience. Yet I’m always drawn to the dark and devilish characters, who are sometimes but not always the cunning asshole characters, the ones who are equipped with a snarling mouth, deeply condescending voice, and heavy lidded eyes full of spite.

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Or, sometimes they are good, well meaning characters who are facing something tragic and/or are severely misunderstood.

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^Brandon Lee as The Crow

Occasionally they are cocky and controlling, complete with lust for power and soulless eyes.

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^Ezra Miller as Kevin in We Need to Talk About Kevin (yeah, I know, totally evil character, I’m not proud that I was attracted to Kevin! But Ezra IS really handsome, so I hope that has a lot to do with it…)

Usually the characters I am interested in are different than the characters my friends (and the general public, I’d think) are drawn to.

In my mid-teens, the tumultuous time of hormones and serious crushes, I fell head over heels for Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow, and his plentiful eyeliner. Subsequently I sought out more of his films and swooned over Edward Scissorhands, Ichabod Crane, and Sweeney Todd. Johnny was my first HARDCORE crush. Perhaps the most hardcore i’ve ever had or will have T-T

While I had a fleeting crush on Ron in Harry Potter, Snape and Lucius had more staying power.

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Criss Angel had a claim to my heart at one point, too. I remember rushing home from theatre practice so I wouldn’t miss Mindfreak (as well as InuYasha, but my anime crushes could fill an other entire blog post, so I won’t go there for now).

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Here are some more that come to mind:

Alan Cumming as Nightcrawler (X2)

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Clancy Brown as The Kurgan (Highlander)

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Ville Valo (H.I.M.)

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Tim Curry as Darkness (Legend)

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Timour Bourtasenkov as The Wolf (Red Riding Hood, 1997)

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I also fell hard for Louis and Lestat, at which point I realized I totally had a thing for vampires- capable fangs, pale skin eclipsed by crimson, captivation by luminescent eyes, an uncontrollable craving that drove them to desperation… freaking gothic euphemisms for sexual expression!

I’ve sought out so many vampire movies, but Interview with the Vampire is something truly special.

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Bonus points for Armand!

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Triple bonus points for QOTD lestat!

Now that i’m into kpop (namely SHINee), the music videos and performances that excite me the most are usually the ones involving aesthetics of darkness:

 

Tricksters and eccentrics often also captivate me:

Michael Sheen as Castor/Zuse from Tron: Legacy

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Heath Ledger as The Joker

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Hiddles as Loki

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^Yet more bonus points for sexy mouthguard!

Heck, even Kenny from Kenny vs Spenny has given me feelings a few times, and Kenny’s whole point is that he’s (sorry Kenny) kind of a mean, obscene, no holds barred asshat!

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^(Deep down I think you’re probably a nice guy though, right Kenny? Reeeeallly deep down? Maybe? >.> )

I say all this with the caveat that I DON’T think it’s a good thing to want to date someone who is actually emotionally manipulative, controlling or otherwise horrible to you. Happily, I  fell in love with my husband, a man who is warm, funny, silly, and kind- the opposite of a creepy, manipulative, controlling jerk!

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^& He puts up with my fangirl ways! ❤

To bring all of this full circle back to Lord of the Rings, here is a word of advice: never tell your friends “you know, there’s just something about Grima Wormtongue”, because they will never let you live it down.

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“Who knows what you have spoken to the darkness,

alone, in the bitter watches of the night?”

 

 

A Rather Overdue Love Letter to Elijah Wood from Alberta’s Unfortunate Fangirl

Dear Elijah Wood,

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My friends have been tagging me in posts like these ^ with lots of exclamation marks to let me know you are coming to the Calgary Expo next weekend; this is because I have awesome friends who know that I enjoy travelling to the nerd expos, that I am a huge fan of yours, and that LOTR was my first ever fandom. Unfortunately I won’t be able to realize my dream of meeting you this time, but I’ll get to that in a bit.

Now, about The Lord of the Rings. My Dad got me into the books when I was 10 years old. He wanted to make sure I read them before the movies came out, and for that I am eternally grateful. The books were (and are) life-changingly excellent, and catapulted me into a lifelong love of reading. The movies took my interest to the next level- Dad and I bonded over the cinematic masterpiece of the trilogy as each movie came out. I got “the shakes” after watching The Fellowship of the Ring in the theatre because it affected me so much (ok, maybe that was also partially due to sitting tensely and staring at an illuminated screen for 3 hours straight).

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^ Freaking iconic!

LOTR became my obsession, I was seeking it, seeking it, all my thought was bent on it. I had a literal shrine in my bedroom with everything from a paper-mache Sting dagger to a Gandalf the White cardboard standee that my shy mother somehow haggled off of a movie store employee because she knew it would bring me joy. I took a replica One Ring off of a bookmark and attached it to a necklace that I wore to school regularly- I remember being called “Ring Girl” because of it. I got a set of plastic Fellowship figurines for Christmas one year and took them into the snowy woods with my camera, attempting to recreate scenes from the movies. (The resulting photos were about as impressive as you’d expect).

Elijah, you were also my first ever crush. Because I’m a freaking weirdo, I realized you were my first crush in The Fellowship of The Ring when Frodo was stabbed with the Morgul blade by the Nazgul and his eyes became all pale and creepy.

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^ boyfriend material

I had an account on one of your fansites where I posted in forums for the first time in my young life, squeeing enviously over posts where other girls recounted times they met you in person at various events. I frequented lordoftherings.net and refreshed the page every 10 seconds so I could hear every version of the randomized intro “Hi, this is [actor name] and welcome to lordoftherings.net”, but I especially got excited to hear your voice.

While my tween obsession of near-stalker levels has faded, I am definitely your fan forever.

I tried drawing you as Frodo a few weeks ago. I wish I could say that I cut the left side of the picture like that for artistic or compositional reasons, but really it was because I made your right eye freakishly large. Sorry.

I’m a married woman now, but once a fangirl always a fangirl. I’m an eternal Ringer- as both a Lord of the Rings fan as well as a member of a handbell choir- how about that. Speaking of handbell choir, I was in the novice group previously but I lost my mind and managed to shoehorn my way into the advanced group when I found out they are learning none other than THEMES FROM THE FREAKING LORD OF THE RINGS!

Last year I had the privilege of meeting and getting a picture with Mr. John Rhys-Davies at the Edmonton Comic & Entertainment Expo. He complimented me on my cosplay. I told him “you’re my favorite dwarf forever” and he said “aw, I love you”. My little hobbit heart grew three sizes that day.

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I also managed to get a pic with Sauron himself. He’s actually a really nice guy.

The year before that I met Billy Boyd and was entranced by his Beecake concert. Bought all the CDs!

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^ (Sorry Billy, the real picture is on an external harddrive tucked away somewhere and I am too lazy to find it at the moment, but here is a blurry picture of the picture of me and Billy Boyd, screen-grabbed from a picture of me holding the picture of me and Billy Boyd!)

I’d very much love the opportunity to meet you too, Elijah. I was more than ready to drive or fly to Calgary to see you.

But Elijah, would you believe that the very weekend you are visiting is the same weekend I am going to my first ever Library Conference, and as a speaker? I have worked at a library for 7 years and in September I am beginning my Master program with the goal of becoming a librarian. At the Alberta Library Conference in Jasper, Friday afternoon, I am doing a presentation session on the versatility of the graphic novel format. I’m super passionate about it and excited for the opportunity (been prepping it and working on my public speaking skills for several months!), but I can’t say i’m not bummed out that I am missing the opportunity to see you at the expo in Calgary.

So, since I can’t say it there, let me say it here- I think you’re Terrific with a capital T, you gave us the perfect Frodo and made my tween heart flutter- thank you for coming to Alberta- I hope you have fun in Calgary, and I’m sorry I’ll miss you when you’re here!

-Sincerely, Shauna

P.S. if you have time, feel free to swing by Jasper and crash the Alberta Library Convention! You know you want another adventure in the mountains! XD